The author, Carla Belandria
Do you Struggle from Stresslaxing? Today I decided to show a little vulnerability, which is something that always scares us and generates us anxiety… thinking about what others will say, because it does matter to us somehow; and share with all of those who read a topic (or from my ignorance a Pathology )that constantly affects me and I know that since 95% of the people who follow me belong to the same category in which I develop can come to feel quite identified… perhaps without calling it by its name or without knowing that they are suffering from it: Stresslaxing.
In the society in which we live every day, we experience a formula that generates more and more pressure on us: Being productive is equivalent to filling ourselves with tasks without rest. And when we finally fill up with courage and decide to step away from our work obligations for a few days in order to recharge our batteries and enjoy other aspects of our lives, we feel a little guilty, even more tired, stressed and anxious and that is where we face threats such as:
· Unpredictability: Taking it to a personal case, when I have containers out in the sea and I take time off, I really can’t reach that maximum point of relaxation or rest because I know that just exactly when I am not working is when the container will arrive, and that I have to be aware that everything has arrived in perfect condition because my greatest obligation is to keep my clients, who over the years have become friends to me, satisfied… So, I don’t enjoy vacation time or work full-time because pressure comes to mind to force myself to enjoy my well deserved time off ;
· Control over events that have not yet arrived: I return to a personal experience, every time a fair comes, let it be in Berlin, Dubai, Madrid or Thailand, I am so controlling that even though there is a department that takes care of it and does it perfectly , I add it to my pending responsibilities because I think that my clients/friends are the ones who are going to visit our booth and it is as if they were visiting my home, which is my temple and where everything must be perfectly arranged to receive visit and make them stay. feel as comfortable as possible. In the country where I was born, which is Venezuela, for those who do not know, we used to say:
The passenger is known by the suitcase and within my crisis to control everything, I assume it as an absolute truth, although absolute truths do not exist; I always want to look my best because it’s so nice to know that someone took the time to get ready and set up the environment to receive you. Many will say that it is vanity and yes, they are within their rights because for some reason it is an open space, where I, although I get stressed and identifying it as a type of therapy, open myself to reading opinions or criticism… which can be positive or negative. , but they always contribute to our personal, professional or spiritual growth.
When something that is supposed to excite and intrigue us becomes a threat and affects our fragility and vulnerability, it is considered Stresslaxing.
We have reached a point where it has become more socially acceptable to continue worrying than to relax and risk something unexpected ruining our moment of disconnection.
It is incredible how just at the moment our body touches the sofa, all the pending tasks of the day would appear in our head and we feel then overwhelmed, anxious and as a consequence an unrefreshing sleep is generated, affecting our health and worrying those around us.
I am going to highlight 3 points that I consider important and in therapy I have dealt with my psychologist (because yes, many times people will believe Therapy is for crazy people and maybe yes, I am a little crazy but not crazy enough not to accept and try to correct my weaknesses; on the opposite side, it is one of the most liberating sensations that can be experienced):
1) We mistakenly believe that the best way to end stress is by finishing the tasks that cause it, when the real problem is that these tasks never end, so we enter into an unconscious vicious circle from which it is difficult to get out;
2) Social pressure can become contradictory, it urges us to take care of our physical, psychological and spiritual health, but WITHOUT STOP PRODUCING TO THE MAXIMUM, to be the happiest, the most handsome, the most intelligent and the most committed; These demands can turn what would be “leisure” into one more obligation to fulfill.
3) We must reduce self-demand, not demand more from ourselves than we can really give; invite ourselves to accept when we are sick, not to check emails when we are on vacation, to say NO to our partner or friends if we are tired and last but not least, not to be a victim of the thought that we should always: GIVE EVERYTHING.
Let’s remember that relaxing is a necessity and I would even dare to say that it is an obligation to ourselves, so I end this article by quoting a fragment of the book: How to make good things happen to us, written by the renowned Spanish psychiatrist Marian Rojas Estapé:
“90% of the things we worry about never happen.”
And you? Do you feel identified by this post? Do you suffer from stress relaxation?
If the answer is YES or you know someone who can use my post, don’t forget to give me a like (it’s free) and share… perhaps someone will be silently thanking you.
About Author: Carla Belandria is the International Sales Manager for Frutas Patricia Pilar, a Portuguese Agro-commodities trading company